says Alf, you can cod him up to the two eyes.

Heart as big as a lion, says Ned. Tell him a tale of woe about arrears of rent and a sick wife and a squad of kids and, faith, he’ll dissolve in tears on the bench.

Ay, says Alf. Reuben J was bloody lucky he didn’t clap him in the dock the other day for suing poor little Gumley that’s minding stones, for the corporation there near Butt bridge.

And he starts taking off the old recorder letting on to cry:

A most scandalous thing! This poor hardworking man! How many children? Ten, did you say?

Yes, your worship. And my wife has the typhoid.

And the wife with typhoid fever! Scandalous! Leave the court immediately, sir. No, sir, I’ll